Something needs to end for something much better to begin
“I keep turning over new leaves, and spoiling them, as I used to spoil my copybooks; and I make so many beginnings there never will be an end.”
— Louisa May Alcott, The Little Women*
(*I earn a small commission of you buy this book through this link, with no extra cost to you)
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Last month, I was checking my horoscope, I’ve actually subscribed to this newsletter where I get my horoscope delivered to my inbox, email inbox every morning. It said to make peace with your endings to find freedom. And I was like, Whoa! I never thought of endings that way before of how they were linked to freedom. So I found that so lovely. And I wrote down this statement that I’m definitely going to talk about it. And I had no idea that I was going to start my podcast then.
And so anyway, before I dive more into that, about making peace with endings, I really want to talk about what an ending looks like.
An ending could be of a love lost
When we think of endings, probably the first thing that we think of is love.
And it’s just something that I think about when I try to find some sort of peace with a heartbreak is how love is not something that you can keep forever. And I know this is a very, very harsh reality. It’s like a bullet in the stomach. But it’s true, you cannot keep love forever.
Actually, we can keep love forever, we cannot keep the person forever, right? We have such a messed up concept of love. We think that love is having someone with you, so that they can love you, so that they can care about you, they can ask you how you are, when in fact love is a feeling. And you can feel it. Even when a person or a thing or a place is not with you at that moment in time.
Love doesn’t always have to be romantic love, it can also be friends and family. It can be love for yourself, it can be love for your work or your business. And that brings me to the second type of ending, which is the ending of a dream.
An ending could be of a dream
It could be a work related dream, it could be any dream that you had any, any passion that you had, that you had to let go of. And especially people who are listening right now who have who have multiple passions like me, they can really relate to it and feel this on a very, very deeper level.
Because sometimes you have to let go of things that you cannot do. And it’s such a hard reality to face that you are not you are one human being and you’re not able not capable of living multiple dreams of following multiple passions.
In the past few years I have let go of so many dreams; being a musician, starting my fashion store, creating my illustration stock website. Right now, I’m letting go of the fact that I cannot do my art workshops for lower income communities anymore because of the pandemic situation.
An ending could be of an emotion
This takes me back to the first time when I thought about this when I was in therapy. I had a depressive episode, which lasted a month. It was the longest depressive episode that I had while being in therapy. So she said Jabeen, Why do you drown in your sadness? Like, why do you hold on to the depression? And instead of holding on, why don’t you allow it to flow through you?
And that struck me hard!
We don’t want the sad emotions to end. Because we’re so afraid of happiness, we’re so afraid of the feel good emotions, the feelings of success, the feelings of being accepted, for who we are, the feeling of happiness, the feeling of comfort.
Would you eat something that has expired?
We are so comfortable in the space where we don’t even feel good, because we’re afraid of the possibility that there is something actually good out there for us.
Just think about food.
Do you eat something that is nearing its expiration date, or that has already expired? So that’s what we’re basically doing to ourselves when we’re keeping emotions, keeping dreams, keeping people keeping jobs, keeping relationships, keeping a heartbreak, keeping anything for with us and dragging something that’s decaying.
How to make peace with the past
1. Allow yourself to grieve
So the first thing is resting, eating well, nourishing your body, giving your body what it needs, basically, And allowing yourself the time and space to grieve. Yes, I use the word grief. I don’t know why grief is just associated with death, it should not be because there are other types of endings.
Think about experiencing the emotions that you’re experiencing right now. Feel them and don’t distract yourself from them by taking on more work or more clients. If you can’t experience the ending, you can’t let it go.
Remember that no ending is invalid. You can grieve selling something you wanted to use. I cried when I sold my mannequin.
2. Not hold resent
I know you hate that person. I know you hate that employer, or whoever did you wrong. Try to give them a justification or the benefit of the doubt, just for your own sake.
This is not about them. This is about you and your peace of mind and heart.
Maybe they were not ready? Maybe the timing was wrong? Maybe the opportunity wasn’t right for me? Maybe I’m needed elsewhere? Maybe what they are saying is true even if their actions speak otherwise?
I confess, I still hold resent for some career related things that happened last year, but I will let that go soon enough. So don’t force yourself.
3. Channel emotions into something creative
This is my favorite way to heal, process my emotions and make peace. I know it’s very cliche that artists need to be sad to paint or write better.
But, fuck cliches.
Trying to make peace with endings and begin new things is is why I started this podcast and I’m also working on my book. Yeah, I’m finally working on my art and poetry and prose book!!
Remember it doesn’t have to be something public, it can just be a personal project and you don’t have to share it with the world. If you feel like you’re struggling with this part, to sit down and make the time or space to create something to heal, you can book a 45 min session with me that is meant for exactly this purpose.
4. Go back to the beginning & your bravery
Instead of focusing on the ending, think about how brave you were to start something new. How capable we are of experiencing that, right? Because I know that not everybody is brave enough to do that. But you weren’t brave, you were someone who thought of an idea. You’re someone who thought of actually starting a relationship with someone or starting a new job or anything, any hobby or anything, you were brave enough to think about that.
So I applaud you. And I applaud myself and applaud everyone who is brave enough to think about starting new things. So the takeaway here is bravery.
Think about how you can tap into that bravery again? Imagine how it would feel like to know makes you fearless and brave enough to start new things? That’s how I help people especially creatives and empaths inside my signature program.
For me, it’s the thought of an opportunity plus something that makes me happy and feels fun for me. It allows me to push myself out of my comfort zone. So just sit and journal and think about that!
An ending is a new beginning
Would you rather be stuck right now in something that is dead. That is already died or is decaying? Or would you rather start something new? That could actually be fun for you that could make you happy. So the choice is all yours, and everybody has a choice.
I know you must be thinking, no, not everybody has a choice. Honestly, it’s true. Everything is in your power, you just need to use your power.
And the failure to make peace with an ending is the failure to actually attract happiness, love and success in your life that is just out there waiting for you.
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